you've got to L.O.V.E your neighbours

you've got to L.O.V.E your neighbours
i can't believe i'm actually doing a photography degree

it still feels really surreal
i feel like i should be at least 10 times cooler than i am if i'm actually in a photography degree, i'm sure everytime i say what i'm doing at uni my listener looks at me thinking, "this loser thinks she can create art"

well.

no i don't think i can
but i think i can try. and i think that i'm learning lots and that i'm doing the right thing. i'm pretty scared about what i'm going to do once that cap's been thrown up in the air. if i'm not cool enough to study photography then there is no chance of my being a real life photographer. but i'm not sure what scares me more- being out there creating and hoping its accepted or the idea of a job in an office for the rest of my life when i take pictures of cute holidays i go on in my allotted free time...

which fear should i overcome?


x

oatcakes

munch munch munch

when you're absolute beginners it's a panoramic view



Picture of me taken by ruthie (cakes)

i'm living out the life of a poet

i passed this song by years ago, but hearing the new version of it by God help the girl pulled it back to me with such force

Untitled work

it kind of depresses me a little that at the age of 23 Cindy Sherman was producing her Untitled Film Stills project which has become renown to the point of it being almost annoying to hear about her.
but really, she is rather good.



what the heck am i doing at 23?

well well

gerk34 up, 4 down love it hate it
Also known as "jerk", a gerk is used when someone who is texting has the spelling capacity of a 4 year old. It however, is pronounced just as it is spelled with a grrr. Gerk now replaces the word jerk in everyday conversations.
Text: "You are a gerk."
Reply: "What the hell does that m...oh. He can't spell."

Don't mind Josh, he's just being a gerk.
i've realised something.
i have this love of rollercoaster emotions. i love the rapture and i even quite enjoy the morbidity which often follows. i love how emotions work and move, i love what they can produce. i have this notion that i can only produce something of intensity and meaning when in one of these high strung moods. i love being moved by something, i love the way a lyric is worded, the way a story is spun, a melody played out.
i want to be able to create things like the ones which have moved me. i want to write like bob dylan, sing like jenny lewis, draw like alphonse mucha, take a picture like jeff wall. the question i was musing on today was can i create something amazing, something like these people i admire, if i am a stable, peaceful creature?

i came to the conclusion that being a stable and peaceful creature is the only way i could create something to even compare to these giants. i was thinking of the only thing i've produced in a while which i thought was truly of worth, something moving and wonderful, and it was a project i undertook through inspiration and divine guidance. i feel i've become reluctant to step up my relationship with my God because by doing so i loose those crazy emotions but i realise now that they are not lost, or deadened but treated and felt as they should be. not dominating my life or the life of others around me but something i can truly enjoy, the sweetest emotions i could feel. feeling peace does not reduce my capacity to appreciate beauty and goodness, it infact increases it, and surely that's what i want any work i produce to put across.

and maybe also i need to accept that i'm not a poet.

i'm already somebody's baby

today was my last day of work experience. i'm pretty sad. and now i don't want to go home because i'm scared of reality...again
boo uni
boo essays
boo responsibility
boo not having my wellies yet
boo not having massive delicious lunches
boo having to go on a coach for 6 hours
boo having only read 71 pages of the manchester book even though i've been reading it at every opportunity.
boo not feeling prepared for this next semester
boo at being rubbish at my calling
boo broken boiler at home




boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

leave at your own chosen speed

so this is how much im loving being in london
i had pizza today which was a combination of gorgonzola and pears, and it was divine, i'm in food heaven. my sister is an amazing cook. we made jamie oliver rissotto last night also.
so any weight i randomly lost over christmas is coming back to me and i am feeling i'm ok with my old friend 5 extra pounds being around.
being in the studio is fun, it's really interesting to look around and see props from louisa's old shoots, and to watch her shoot the clothes for the job she has on right now. i am the tea maker and the lunch fetcher but i'm really enjoying it. i also love that i don't feel as super untrendy as i thought i'd feel. i think it's because i'm avoiding oxford street and covent gardens like the plague and scooting around whitechaple feeling like the hat on the monopoly board. i just wish i knew where go was.

i love the camera louisa uses as well, it's a large format with a digital back so it's super quick but the highest quality you can get with digital. i'm itching to take a picture with it, i'm absolutely dying to get my hands on the medium format digital back we have at uni, the pictures it takes are beautiful. i don't like the canon 5D for some reason but i do love digital back. i need a 35mm camera too, get on that film train.

peace train by cat stevens
yes.

boo

I don't want to go to London. I'm afraid of real life.